The Crazy Untold Love Circle
by Rose Siren
Summary: Gimli's in love with Legolas who's in love with Aragorn who's in love with Aowen a bloke who's in love with Faramir who's in love with Frodo who's in love with Sam who's in love with Merry who's in love with a very confused Pippin.


**Lord of the Rings, The Crazy Untold Circle Of Love**

_Disclaimer: 'Tis not mine, though it pains me to say it not that much._

_A/N: I'm sorry. I really don't know why. I wrote this in under 10 minutes on a whim._

_Warnings: All gay pairings, because it's better that way._

Gimli's in love with Legolas, but Legolas is in love with Aragorn and Aragorn is in love with Aowen (who's actually a man) and Aowen (the man) is in love with Faramir but Faramir is in love with Frodo and Frodo's in love with Sam who's in love with Merry who's in love with Pippin who is dating half the forest. Got it?

***

Gimli looked over at the elf who was sitting on a rock. The elf was very tall and had pretty long blonde hair. Gimli thought he looked sexy, until he saw who Legolas was smiling at. Aragorn was emerging from the river, shaking his hair like in a shampoo commercial, striding towards the Fellowship. Aragorn, though he appeared commanding and ready for action, was thinking this; _'I think I'm in love with a sexy man/woman that I haven't met yet that lives in Rohan. I shall name it... Arwen. No, wait... Aowen.'_

***

Far off in Rohan, Aowen sat in the throne room beside his/her crazy uncle, contemplating his/her love for Faramir.

"Oh, Faramir," the thing sighed, "Where for art thou, Faramir?"

Beside it, its uncle (I can't remember his name, but you know who he is... the king? Yeah.) chuckled evilly and said, "He's in Gondor, being the steward's son, you fool."

Aowen patiently turned to its head to its uncle the king, and replied, "It's Shakespeare, your majesty."

"What's Shakespeare?"

"I... don't know."

***

A little while in the future, after the whole "It _should_ be mine, it _could_ be mine, give it to me!" "NO!!" crap, Faramir was on some grassy hill thing, where there were two small children watching Oliphants.

_'Mmm... looks like easy prey...'_ he said, because Faramir's a bit odd like that. The steward's son and his little army gang grabbed the hobbits and made up some story about them being spies of Sauron. Frodo said, "No we're not." But Faramir ignored him. Faramir's stubborn like that.

Anyway, Faramir took the hobbits back to his lair, and locked them in some room together. This was a mistake.

"Oh, Sam! I dearly hope we get out alive!" exclaimed Frodo, wrapping his arms around his chubby companion's neck.

"I- I do too, Mr Frodo," said Sam, looking and sounding uncomfortable.

"Ooh... Sam... You like it when I hold you like this, don't you?" Frodo whispered into the blonde's ear, rubbing his tiny hands along Sam's vast back.

"Um... Sure I do, Mr Frodo."

"I _know_ you want me..."

"No, oh no, Mr Frodo, not like-"

Frodo pulled back and clasped a hand over his companion's mouth.

"Hush!" he commanded, "They'll _hear_..."

The brunette hobbit started to kiss along the blonde's neck, relinquishing his told on Sam's mouth as he did so.

"Mr Frodo! Stop! Merry, help me!"Sam cried out as he began to whimper.

"_Merry?_" Frodo asked, but not in his normal voice, in his 'omfgs I love the Ring!' voice.

The door was flung open and Faramir appeared.

"The fat one's raping Frodo!" he yelled, "Castrate him!!"

Sam was dragged away from a stunned Frodo, who ignored his pleas for him to tell Faramir the truth. Closing the door behind Sam and his men, Faramir turned to Frodo.

"Now I've got you right where I want you..."

***

In a slightly different part of the future, in a forest sort of near Rohan but also kind of near Isengard, Merry and Pippin ran away from a cannibalistic Orc, who was intent on devouring them both.

"I'm going to bleed you like a stuck pig..." threatened the Orc, who was promptly trodden on by a giant tree. The tree then bent down to pick up the two Halflings, and said some stuff about them being Orcs.

"We're not Orcs," said Merry, "We're hobbits, Halflings, Shire folk..."

"Sounds like Orc trickery to me..." said the giant tree, which was walking with one hobbit in each 'hand'.

"I love you!" cried out Pippin suddenly.

"What was that, little Orc?" asked the tree.

"He said he loves you, but he doesn't, he's in love with me. Right, Pip?" interjected the blonde hobbit.

"No... I'm in love with this tree..." murmured Pippin, staring up at the wooden face.

"What a charming little creature you are!" remarked Treebeard (that's his name; Treebeard), "If you're not an Orc, maybe you and I should get together sometime."

"I'd love to, Mr Tree, sir."

"Please, call me Treebeard. That is my name, after all."

Merry spent the rest of the 'journey' silently glaring at Pippin, who didn't notice because he was too busy gazing up at the talking tree. When they arrived at a clearing, the other Ents (_finally_ remembered what they're called) arrived.

"Hooray! More friends!" Pippin said with delight.

Merry was set down on the ground, while the Ents all crowded around Pippin, stroking his curly brown hair and commenting on how cute he was.

"I hate my life," said Merry.


End file.
